Homosoxual?

I hate folding sox. I hate folding sox more than any other laundry item, including sheets. Even fitted sheets. (sorry Dad.... sox are WORSE!) They never match, the color never fades evenly, and unless they are some color other than blue or black (which most of my sox are) you're never quite sure who they belong to.

I wonder sometimes when I am trying to match sox if the sox are hollering at me "NO STUPID, I GO WITH THAT SOCK!! Geeze, what kind of an idiot are you??" What if my sox have gender and what if they favor the same-sex sox? Or what if they are heterosoxual? And... what if I GET IT WRONG????? Do I turn them into homosoxuals? Or worse, pair them with the opposite sox? Do they repugnate each other? Or do they chalk their bad fortune up to a dumb owner and just deal with it until the next wash cycle when they can mate with their own kind. My level of angst about my sox has caused me to not fold sox (except the REALLY REALLY obvious matches) for 2 months. I have been reduced to digging thru the communal sox basket (where I am sure multiple episodes of grope sox have been occurring (which would explain some of the weird stuph I have found in the basket with the sox) with or without the appropriate partners). Do you know that I have 42 blue sox and none of them is the same shade of blue? Did I buy them like this and I just never noticed?

And the white sox... you would think those would be a no-brainer. WRONG!! While it is easy to divide them into the major piles (tube sox, anklets, low-rise with the pink writing on the toes, crew sox) once you try to pair the sox in the major pile all kinds of problems arise... for instance... I was attempting to pair and fold the low-rise sox with the pink writing... Well.. three of them appeared to be a size 8 and 5 of them were size 11. all 4 pair were the same size when i bought them.... WHAT HAPPENED??? Have the sox been sneeking to dark, dank bottom of the laundry hamper and channeling Jefferson Starship?? The crew sox weren't much better... all the cuffs were different lengths....

I reached my breaking point last weekend... the sox will not win... I have enlisted the aid of 2 groups of mercenaries.... the sock clips.....


The sox will BOW TO MY ADVANCED INTELLECT AND OBVIOUS SUPERIORITY!!!

Or, the clips will fall apart and the sox will laugh all the way back to the communal sock basket.