Obituaries

It is with great regret that ChrisMoose announces the death of her pancreas at 7 pm today. It is thought that the death was the result of an overdose of levulose. A severe, although not fatal ingestion, occurred Tuesday morning over the course of four hours. The Medical Examiner has confirmed that had the ingestion been halted at that point the pancreas would have survived the insult (after a lengthly recovery). However, another uncontrolled ingestion occurred somewhere around the dinner hour that proved to be the undoing of the pancreas. It is widely known that the pancreas secretes a hormone that neutralizes levulose. In reasonable doses, levulose is not toxic to humans, however in large amounts it can cause alterations in behavior, including hysteria (which was observed by co-workers of Ms. Moose Tuesday morning), followed by somnolence and stupor, and an eventual return to normal. The origin of the levulose is suspected to be the GIANT (empty) bag of candy corn found with the body (of the pancreas).

Services will be held on Saturday night at the wedding reception of Ms. Mooses co-worker, at the cake table.