That feeling...

I don't get it. I don't understand it. I have no concept of it.

Addiction. To drugs. To alcohol. To cigarettes.

To anything.

And someone else died yesterday from heroin. 23. A person who was just in the ER 2 weeks ago after being found with no pulse and no breathing. Paramedics brought the overdosed back to life.

To overdose again.

Only not such a good outcome yesterday.

What on earth makes a person indulge in something that can kill in just a few moments? Smoking and alcohol I get.... death is usually slow.... cancer, cirrhosis.... although I suppose you could crash the car while fiddling for a lighter (especially if you are drunk at the time).

I never did coke because I figured I would be the one idiot in a million to drop dead of a heart attack on the spot. Explain that one to Mom.

And meth?? Not in a million years! Have you seen what these people look like after doing that crap?

But not even at my wildest or smokiest was I ever not able to put them down for a day or a week or, sometimes, years at a time. It was never that important to do them. It was just fun. Or pleasant. But not a must-have. Not ever.

Leo McGarry summed it up pretty well I guess. He was talking about the feeling you get when drunk. (He was talking to someone who was not an alcoholic.) "I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this?" [3.9] I suppose it's like that with an addicts substance of choice.

How can you have enough of a feeling like this? I must have missed something. Cigs only left a bad taste in my mouth (especially after doing a whole pack in one night while drinking!)... especially the morning after. Alcohol makes me giddy and leaves a hangover. The older I get, the bigger the hangover.

The only things I like daily now are ice cream and chocolate. They don't kill, they just make you fluffy. But chocolate does give me that feeling. heh heh heh

Which is why I'm on weight watchers.

Oops.