TTP (time to pee-kinda 'UNIQUE', huh?!)

Peeing in public restrooms is such a joy. Yesterday at Costco I was privileged to wipe my rear with THIN AIR! I swear to chocolate.... the toilet paper was SOOOOOO thin it was like wiping with air..... sheesh.... took half the roll to get the job done....

And then, of course, are the let's-maximize-the-retail-space-and-skimp-in-the-bathroom-square-footage stall.... These stalls are especially comfortable to use in the winter when you have a coat on. Keep in mind that my everyday coat hangs to my knees... which is just about the level of the toilet seat or that nasty space between the front parts of the split seats... that space that collects yellow blobs of other peoples pee?? So I navigate into the tiny stall... required to move soooo far into it that my coat bottom brushes the seat as I attempt to turn around and close the door without taking off half my ass (remind me to wash the coat again this weekend) only to find that the door isn't hanging right and won't lock and I have to back-up and overhang the toilet again to get out (this time taking off part of a boob). And gawd forbid if I have my everyday purse hanging off my shoulder (all 35 pounds of it)... the resulting hang up of purse/coat/boob usually causes the door to slam in some fashion which causes the other residents of the toidie to look askance at me as if making noise (both mechanical and verbal) was against the law.

And then I get to repeat the performance in the next stall.

Well, great, the lock works in this one but there is no hook on which to place my LONG coat and hang the 35 pound purse. Okay.... leave coat on and hike up to boobs... hang purse from neck and sit... right into the wet spot that my coat bottom didn't quite dry off when it made its entrance sweep. yuck..... hold coat with one hand while other hand roots around in purse for Rolaids to settle queasy stomach...

Okay... job is done.. now for some toilet paper.... which is located right under my left elbow firmly encased in in said coat and holding coat bottom... switch coat to right hand and manipulate left arm back and down under the dispenser (one of those huge things that holds the 9000 sheet 1-ply roll. Grope around until end of paper is found, pull out in 3 sheet sections so as not to tear it off and loose the end up inside the container..... finally get enough paper but can't wipe left-handed so transfer paper to right hand and coat to left, levitate butt off seat and attempt to clean myself.

Sheesh.... it just shouldn't be this hard....

On the upside.... at least I didn't have any shopping bags to juggle.....