the RATS of moose

The Random Access ThoughtS of a mid-west, approaching-middle-age, nurse starting the next phase of life.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Way up north....

The reason Chuck won't move to Minnesota with me.


Friday, March 06, 2009


What is it with the hovercraft thing in the womens restroom?

Why is it that when nature calls and I hustle my flow into the stall

I frequently find puddles of pee all over the seat?

Why do women think that applying buttocks to seat will cause them to catch some dread disease?

Don't they know that the odds of catching goobers from the toilet seat are just about nill

Yet the desk they are sitting at...

The research indicated your desk can hold up to 10,000,000 germs or 20,961 germs per square inch. Compared to the toilet seat at only 49 germs per square inch, a work station is nearly 400 times more contaminated than a bathroom.

Now, sit your ass down on that toilet seat and don't be leaving me the wet spot..

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Thursday, March 05, 2009

Last weeks thoughts

A few days ago I was thinking the following...

I can tell I am getting old. I want it to get warm outside.


Don't get me wrong. I love Love LOVE snow. I eagerly await it's arrival every year. I revel in the first and second and third and fourth ... and 44th snowfall. I send ALL CAPS WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS texts to my beloved to announce the snowfalls. And mostly, I am sorry when the rain falls and the snow melts.

But this year, I am ready for warm. The heat is free in my apartment building and I have had the thermostat at 74 some days. And I've still been cold.

And I am sitting here at my desk at work with a long sleeved shirt, sweater and fleece jacket on ... and my little black glove on my right hand because it is freezing too.

Time to go to Menard's and buy some hand warmers...

Which I did... toe warmers too.... just in case.

And today, it was warm. 63 degrees or so.... but with that yucky March wind blowing everything off the road. But it was warm.

And then I decided....

I missed the snow.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Did you know there was a Michelle Obama fashion blog?

Them is wonderful looking arms!! Quit all the ruckus about bare arms! My arms should look so good! (I'm working on it...)

I do not understand the uproar about Michelle's bare arms. They look great. Fashion rules from 1960 are no longer in effect. And everyone who smiting the First Lady for baring arms should remember the bit about throwing stones and glass houses.

And for all we know, Michelle may be starting menopause and be having 'her own private summer' all the time. That would make me go sleeveless! Oh. Wait. That HAS made me go sleeveless. Sometimes, topless. Or bottomless. Or both!

The fashion-bare-istas need to snap their jaws shut and go back to hibernating.

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